So, at this point, I am really looking forward to the end of this vow. Not that it hasn’t been a fascinating experience; I’m just ready for it to be done. I was thinking about it the other day and it’s been about four months since the last time I had a conversation with someone that wasn’t interrupted by a comment about my hair or beard!
Last week, my friends who live in China visited us and I had a chance to reflect on the vow as I caught them up on how it’s been going. Here are a few things I think I am taking away from this experience:
I want to trust God. This may seem elementary, but I want to truly trust God—depend on him and learn to live with what he provides on every level of life. I believe that I have had some level of trust in the past, but I am ready to drive deeper in my dependence on him.
I want to honor God with the way I use the resources he has entrusted to me. I will continue to use only cash for my expenditures. Jenn will still carry an ATM card, but the credit cards are gone for good. Our next step is to decide how much money we need to live and commit to give the rest to serve God’s Kingdom.
I am going to go through my wardrobe and decide what I really need. I won’t be staying with the three changes thing, and I may never wear a collared polo shirt again, but I like the idea of simplifying and living with less clothing.
As far as I am concerned, this all adds up to a deeper submission to Christ’s lordship in my life. By lordship, I mean that I go further in allowing Jesus to lead my thinking and living as opposed to just making my way and asking for his blessing—or even different from doing what I think he would want me to do. My aim is to allow what Jesus has said to inform my thinking, but to listen to what he has to say to shape my life now.
Oddly enough, this language is probably close to how I would have described my Christian life before this vow. Now, however, the words carry a different meaning—a new depth, maybe.
The part of all this I may have to think about a little more is how I use my Nazarite experiences to encourage others along a similar path. I would love to come up with a way to articulate what I’ve experienced and help other people figure out how to structure and follow through with their own vows.
I would greatly encourage you to live up to the exact vow you made to God when this started. Go back to your first posts... your vow ends on January 15th, not the 5th. Give the Suburban as planned and make a commitment that you will spend time repairing it with the new owner... perhaps this is why God allowed the transmission to blow in the first place. Put your tools up for sale, allow God to bring the buyer he wants.
ReplyDeleteThe purpose of the vow is to give God control. Don't take it back when you are so close to fulfilling it. Shortchange the vow at your own peril, I fear God to much to curry his wrath.
-Fellow Nazarite
Wow! What a great catalyst for me to firm my resolve in ending this vow well. As much as I dislike anonymous posting (since it eliminates dialogue--kind of like solving a problem with a drive by shooting), your words are insightful and well-timed. I've had a little bit of a frustrated feeling in ending the vow like it is just sort of stopping instead of ending. I like some of the things you had to say here.
ReplyDeleteFirst, you are right about the Suburban. Over the past week, I've already been thinking of how I could leverage it as an asset or maybe get it running in keep it. I am going to go ahead and give it to my buddy. I'll let him tell me if he doesn't want it--and I would never turn down an opportunity to bust knuckles under the truck with him!
As far as the tools, I think I finally figured out how to give them sacrificially. I have a couple people in mind who I can give them to who will appreciate them and use them. I believe this still accomplishes my goal in the vow: to sacrifice these "things" and to use that sacrifice to help others.
I do, however, disagree with you on ending the vow. I think the circumstances and process of ending it well takes a higher priority than the date. I have planned out events that mark the end of this vow both on personal and communal levels that bring closure to my commitment and honor God. I did not take this vow so that I could hear God say, "congratulations, you didn't make me mad for half a year!". I did this as an act of worship. If God sees this vow as a failure because of when I ended it, then I still approach his throne with confidence knowing that even his wrath will direct me to his better good. Also, if God is going to get mad at me for ending on the 5th instead of the 15th, then he is going to hate me for the way I altered the vow to begin with and the ending date is irrelevant.