Getting Started

Let me lay something out here from the onset: I am no spiritual giant. If anything, my underwhelming depth of spirituality has brought me to this place. I have come to the point in my life where I long to experience God. I have been committed to relationship with God since my youth--serving him in church ministries and striving to live my life in a way that honors Him. I have never been the kind of person who "feels" God. I have never heard God speak to me and have never witnessed what you might traditionally consider the miraculous. My interactions with God have mostly been characterized by my pursuit of him and what I would call his affirmation of direction in my life. For example: when I almost lost my mind trying to keep up with a church movement that involved personal and marital burnout and spending copious amounts of money to attract people to the gospel, I feel that God led me along through a process of healing and reconciliation with his Church. The fact that I am currently shepherding a church community is a testimony to me that God intends for me to lead, and is interested in that leadership reflecting the way he has made me and the perspective and priority he has placed over my life. There is certainly more to that story, but it'll have to wait--another time perhaps.

I have recently decided that I want to hear from God. I want to experience his presence and I am specifically seeking his direction in terms of the direction I should take with this church community (CTK). I am wary, however, of falling into the trap of judging my relationship with God in terms of my tangible experiences as opposed to my level of obedience. I don't just want God to do soemthing for me, I want him to speak to me so I can better work for him. This is where the Nazarite vow comes in.